


Stay With Me

by DepressedCarrot



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Before The Future, Comfort, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Hugs, Mental Health Issues, Post I Am My Monster, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spooning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25207852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DepressedCarrot/pseuds/DepressedCarrot
Summary: Steven is recovering from an intense mental breakdown and his best friend Connie is there to comfort him.Set just after the events of 'I Am My Monster'.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Comments: 12
Kudos: 76





	Stay With Me

**Author's Note:**

> This was something I started writing as a little warm-up exercise for myself and then it got slightly out of hand sooooo here you go! 
> 
> This has probably been done a MILLION times before, but I never bothered to check, so whatever. It is what it is!
> 
> It's set just after the events of 'I Am My Monster'.

An overwhelming sense of sadness. 

The undivided line between emotional distress and happiness. 

The fear at the very pit of Steven Universe’s very being of failing everyone he ever loved. The fear of never being good enough. The fear of never being needed. The fear of not being able to help those he loved. 

The fear of being himself. 

It had been mere hours since Steven’s catastrophic breakdown. A breakdown that shook the whole town as his internal pain manifested itself into a monster. The very core of his pain and suffering. 

A flash of light and suddenly his problems found themselves streaming down either side of his face as he took in sharp breaths filled with emotional release. His pink companion comforted him to the point of desperate inner relief as his family surrounded him with longing looks of sympathy. Their hearts ached for the teenager who had walked through hell and back - surviving to tell the tale. 

Sat in nothing more than a blanket draped over him, at the time his mind was swimming so ferociously that he was unable to feel any embarrassment. Not a single ounce of anxiety was within him as his soul was overcome with an incomparable numbness. A sudden contrast from feeling everything all at once to suddenly feeling nothing at all. 

Steven had spent the rest of the day curled up in his bed with little energy to do anything other than sleep, watch television and eat sugary foods. He didn’t want to do anything else. He simply didn’t have the mental capacity for anything even slightly more taxing.

The beach house had been somewhat destroyed after Steven's breakdown. The Gems weren't quite ready to take him out of his home environment after such a tragic event, but there wasn't quite anywhere else to stay. Bismuth, Lapis and Peridot gathered some of the gems from Little Homeworld and managed to patch up the beach house enough to live in temporarily. Luckily, Steven's bedroom hadn't been too affected by the incident, leaving him to rest as they managed to complete the work in less than an hour. The work they had done was incredibly impressive. 

The Gems had spent a considerable amount of time that evening attempting to aid Steven’s recovery. This mostly consisted of keeping him company when he needed it and fetching him whatever his heart desired. They would have done anything for him - still feeling somewhat guilty about their unintentional neglect. 

It pained them to know that as they went about their everyday business that Steven was suffering in silence. They once felt as if Steven could tell them anything and yet that didn’t quite seem to be the case. Steven couldn’t have told anyone about the issues he was experiencing - so locked up inside of his own mind to even consider it an option. 

Nobody was at fault. 

Nobody could have predicted what had happened and they had to learn to accept that. 

They had to learn to accept it and attempt to move on - for Steven’s sake. 

Greg had decided to take temporary residence in his van parked right outside of the beach house. He wanted to be as close to his son as possible and that was the closest he was going to get without intruding. Greg spent a lot of time with Steven that evening, assuring him that one-day things would be different. 

Greg was ready to pour an exceptional amount of money into a therapist who would see Steven despite his...unique situation. Steven’s case would have been challenging to treat and certainly unheard of, but there was one therapist who was up to the task. Greg didn’t care how much it cost him or how long it took, he just wanted to see his son start to understand and manage the mental health that plagued him. 

Steven didn’t mind having the company. His family were the people who were the most important to him and having them around certainly helped his wellbeing. It was nice to be cared for. 

It was nice to feel like people were looking out for him for once...rather than the other way around. 

Of course, Steven didn’t need saving in quite the way that the people he had helped needed. Although, to receive the same attention for his own issues felt strange. He was reluctant at first to accept the help, but after everything that had happened, he knew it was something he had to learn to come to terms with. 

He needed to accept people’s help. 

However, there was one person in Steven’s life that no matter what would always be there beside him. The one person who had pointed out his sheer pain when everyone would have rather thought about themselves. They were always so selfless and Steven had no words to express how grateful he was for their friendship. 

Her name was Connie Maheswaren. Steven’s best friend and partner in...fighting intergalactic beings.

The night in which Steven had come down from his breakdown, Greg had offered to take Connie back home. She swiftly declined, informing Greg that she was going to be staying the night to be with Steven. Although Greg was a little taken back with her tone, he wasn’t going to argue. If anyone should have been there with Steven it had to be Connie. They were best friends, after all. 

Connie had called her parents and explained the situation, her mother already clued up on Steven’s mental health. Dr Maheswaran, although reluctant, knew how much Steven meant to Connie and despite at first being unwilling to the idea decided to accept Connie’s request of spending the night. 

Although Connie had spent the remainder of the day with the Gems in the beach house, she hadn’t spent much time with Steven. They had allowed him to go straight to bed after the whole ordeal, allowing him to sleep off some of the pain that he had built up and released so suddenly. The whole situation had been exhausting. 

Greg had found Connie one of Steven’s sleeping bags so that she could sleep at the foot of his bed. Close enough to be there if Steven needed her throughout the night. After Peridot mentioned the events that had occurred between her and Steven’s binge-watching they were concerned he may have experienced nightmares after such a long day of emotional pain.

It was getting late and Connie decided to say goodnight to everyone and make her way back upstairs to join Steven. She hadn’t spoken to him since just after the living nightmare he had found himself in. Connie didn’t want to intrude on him too much, especially if she was spending the night at the very end of his bed. 

When she stepped upstairs she didn’t expect Steven to be sat up in bed, staring forward with vacant thoughts. He was tucked up underneath his blanket, but Connie could see from the colour of his collared pyjama shirt that he was ready for bed. 

Steven glanced over towards Connie as she took the last step up into his bedroom. He rubbed his fingers together nervously on top of the blanket at the sight of her, his jaw slightly unhinged from sheer exhaustion and slight confusion. 

“Hi.” Connie gave Steven a sympathetic smile from the opposite side of the room as she raised her hand slightly to wave before she joined her two hands back together.

“Hi.” Steven croaked, unsure what else to say - the whole day before him somewhat of a blur. 

Connie glanced over towards his bedside table, noticing the empty bowl and half-full glass of water. She knew he hadn’t eaten much all day and despite not having too much of an appetite, Greg had still managed to make him a small sundae that he had no problem shovelling into his mouth. 

“I see you ate your ice cream.” Connie nodded towards the bowl. 

“Yeah - it was pretty good.” Steven looked back at his bedside table before attempting to smile up at Connie. He tried his best, but the most he could express himself was a slight raise of his eyebrows. 

Connie stepped further into his bedroom, still a little worried about intruding on his privacy during such a sensitive period of time. She didn’t want to overstep any boundaries or make him uncomfortable. Connie could never have made him uncomfortable...the absolute aching love he felt for his best friend was only heightened today during the most emotional experience of his life. 

“Your dad said I could stay here tonight. Is that okay?” Connie’s words were close to being a whisper. 

Steven looked up at her and processed the question before nodding slowly. He wasn’t quite sure how well his brain would have connected to his mouth without most of it being drivel. 

Without even thinking about it, Steven shuffled over in his bed, leaving a large gap on one side for Connie to fill. Connie’s eyes widened slightly at the suggestion, although a harmless proposition it was one Connie felt as if she couldn’t have denied. 

It wasn’t as if Steven had been awake when Greg had put Connie’s sleeping bag in the room. Steven assumed that by Connie saying that she was going to be spending the night she would have been spending it in his bed. It wasn’t as if she had anywhere else to sleep. It was a courtesy. 

Connie knew how much Steven needed her that night and she needed to be there for him no matter what. Her mother would have had a fit if she had found out they were that close to one another, let alone together in a bed. That came with all kinds of connotations. 

Although, this wasn’t about romance. This was about someone comforting their best friend’s deep pain and suffering. Someone alleviating bad thoughts and comforting their best friend on one of the worst days of their life. 

Connie didn’t hesitate as she walked towards the bed and lifted the blanket, finding herself sitting beside Steven with their legs under the covers. The bed was warm where Steven had spent most of his day there sleeping off his demons. 

They both sat in silence, staring forward at the wall in front of them. There was so much that both of them wanted to speak about and yet there was no way to say it. A need to be emotionally close. 

Connie desperately wanted to console Steven on such a terrible day that he had and yet speaking to him on the subject would have only made him upset. She wanted to make sure he was...okay. However, that wasn’t how she wanted to phrase it. Asking Steven if he was okay when he quite clearly wasn’t was stupid. 

As Connie leant against both his pillows and the back of the bed she noticed his open hands sat on the top of his blanket. Even if there were no words shared between them, Connie wanted Steven to know that she was there for him. She reached over slightly and found her fingers slotting between his so perfectly. His hands were a comfortable kind of warm, yet slightly clammy. She couldn’t help but notice the slight shake in his touch, his hands still trembling ever so slightly from the incident. 

Connie furrowed her eyebrows as she stared down at their hands. They had held hands plenty of times before and yet this time felt so much more personal compared to the rest of them. Steven looked over at Connie, sadness in his expression. 

“Are you okay?” Steven uttered huskily as he noticed Connie’s sombre look and sudden need for connection. 

Connie practically gasped as she looked back at Steven. Was Connie...okay? 

“Steven…” Connie sighed deeply. Despite everything that had happened throughout the day he was still concerned about how she felt. It was never about Steven. He was always checking in on everyone else before himself. 

Today wasn’t about anyone else but Steven and yet no matter how bad he felt inside he always felt the need to care about others more than himself.

“It’s- I’m sorry.” Steven stumbled on his words as he spoke, tears formulating in his eyes as he turned away from Connie to collect himself. How was he even supposed to compose a sentence within his mind when everything was so scrambled? 

“It’s okay!” Connie’s expression sank as she noticed Steven getting visibly upset. His mind was delicate and fragile to even the slightest emotion. She placed her spare hand on top of his hand that she was already holding, using her thumb to draw circles on his skin as a way to calm him. 

Steven ran his fingers through his hair, breathing deeply as his heart raced. Why did he feel this way? He was simply sitting with Connie. There was nothing to fear. No threats. Nothing. 

“I’m-”

“Steven, it’s okay. I’m here.” Connie swapped over the hand she was using to hold him before using the other to gently rub his shoulder. She contemplated within her mind whether or not she should have fetched one of the Gems or Greg - but she wasn’t quite sure how that could have affected him. 

Steven wasn’t quite sure how to find his focal point within the room. He wasn’t quite sure what could possibly happen to him and he certainly feared for his life with the idea that he could have turned into a monster again. He had never been thrilled with the idea that his powers were controlled with his emotions - although now the thought terrified him. He was scared to feel...anything. 

Connie noticed that he was shaking under her grasp and couldn’t help but be pained by his emotions manifesting themselves into a physical response. She too feared his gem side overthrowing his human emotions. They knew what he was capable of and that was...terrifying. 

Steven slipped downwards, loosening his grip from Connie as he found himself curled up in a fetal position, holding himself as tightly as possible. Connie wasn’t quite sure how to react, instantly noticing his disconnect. He was still shaking as he gritted his teeth together, tears persistently streaming from his eyes and onto his pillow. 

Connie watched over him with a pained expression on her face - how was she supposed to help him? 

Steven felt a million emotions all at once, ranging from complete confusion to immense sadness. Overshadowed by the numb feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

“Steven?” Connie whispered his name softly as she touched his shoulder, once again instantly noticing the way in which he shook violently. 

Steven mumbled something inaudible. Perhaps a cry for help? Perhaps just...an attempt to breathe amongst his panic? 

Connie reached over to his forehead, gently pulling her hand back over his hair. She suddenly noticed a change in his breathing, unlike before he started to gain some sort of control. A control in his breath. 

Connie hushed quietly as she continued to pull her hand over the top of his incredibly soft, yet slightly greasy hair. The motion soothed him immensely, her touch changing his perspective as he shivered through his tears. 

A single tear trickled down the side of Connie’s face as she noted the pain her counterpart was in. Seeing her best friend this way tore her apart. There was nothing worse than watching his decline when there was nothing that she could have done about it. 

Connie had always sworn to protect Steven and although it felt somewhat untraditional - that was on and off of the battlefield. Their partnership was more than just a sword and shield, it was a deep connection that couldn’t have been swayed by anything in their way. They were best friends. Jam buds. 

Connie was willing to protect Steven from anything and yet she couldn’t seem to protect him from his own mind. That was one thing she couldn’t do anything about and it distressed her to think about. If only Connie was able to go inside Steven’s mind and help him battle his demons. She would have slain them all knowing the hurt that they had caused him. 

Steven managed to control his breathing enough to open his eyes, despite them being somewhat painful from holding them tightly together as he battled through the tears. Although he had struggled to feel anything more than emptiness since his transformation, Connie made him feel a lot of things - none of which were bad. They were just different. He was grateful to have her beside him even if it looked as if he didn’t want her to be there. 

Steven turned on his opposite side, causing Connie to stop touching his hair. As much as he wanted her to run her fingers through his hair for eternity - he also wanted the ability to speak to her. 

“C-Connie?” Steven tucked his hands between his cheek and his pillow as he looked up at Connie who was still sitting straight beside him. 

“Yeah?” Connie glanced down at him, his nose slightly runny and his eyes bright red from where he had been crying. She didn’t mind one bit, he was still perfect in her eyes. 

“You’re going to be here all night - right?” Steven furrowed his eyebrows, looking up at her with a concerned expression. 

Connie laid herself down beside him, resting her head on the pillow next to him and staring over into his eyes. 

“I’ll be here for as long as you need me to be.” Connie spoke with a slight whisper as she reached up and brushed Steven’s curls away from his ear. 

Steven managed what looked to be a slight smirk, it was hard to tell after a day of being unable to smile the way in which he used to. Most of the day had been infested with tears and sadness. It felt as if he needed to practice smiling again. Luckily, Connie was always there to help. 

“Okay. Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” Connie smiled.

They spent a moment looking at each other with anticipation. It wasn’t the first time where they had been put into the position of awkward silences and longing stares, although, this time was much more personal. It felt...nice. 

Connie didn’t want to pry into Steven’s emotions, as much as she wanted to let him speak about what had happened she knew that was something that would come with time. There was no need to rush. 

Steven looked past Connie slightly before focusing his attention back onto her eyes. Connie could tell that he wanted to say something, but couldn’t quite get the words out the way that he wanted. She knew that talking had become a rather difficult and upsetting task for him and she certainly wasn’t going to force it out of him. 

Steven bit the inside of his lips before sniffing slightly. 

“Y-You really...helped today.” Steven couldn’t quite express his words in the way in which he wanted to. Everything inside of him was crumbling from his mind to his insides. Nothing was safe. 

Connie’s eyebrows dipped with concern, there was so much that she wanted to say to Steven and yet this just wasn’t quite the time for her to say it. No matter what, she wanted to be there for Steven just as he had been there for her through everything. 

“It’s okay. I’ll always try to help you the best I can.” Connie whispered as she reached up towards Steven to wipe away a small tear that trickled down from his red eyes that were incredibly puffy and beaten from a day of his own emotional abuse. 

It really was okay, Connie would be there for Steven no matter what. Although that couldn’t quite promise him a life free from a never-ending spiral of mental health, it could promise him that he would always have his best friend by his side. Connie would never have left him. 

“W-why?” Steven let out a small whimper, still feeling incredibly distraught. He couldn’t imagine why someone as kind as Connie would have wanted to have been anywhere near him. He had turned into a monster, a clear representation of his own mental state. 

Why would Connie have wanted to be around Steven? He was only going to hurt her with his erratic behaviour and deteriorating mental health. 

“Because you’re my best friend, silly.” Connie’s lips curled up on one side, her eyes welling with sadness at the sight of him. She could see his mental pain radiating through the sheer look of angst on his face. He was terrified and she could finally see it through his previous facade. 

The words she spoke made Steven’s eyes water further, it wasn’t as if what she had said was a bad thing. In fact, what she had said was exactly what he wanted to hear. Her speech was somewhat humorous and sincere - he respected the tone greatly. There was nothing he wanted to hear other than her voice speaking to him softly, calming him down and fighting off the demons inside of him. 

Steven managed a slight smile at her words. There was so much emotion bubbling inside of them that despite trying his hardest to give off a positive response to Connie’s kind words, he closely knitted his eyebrows together before once again beginning to sob deeply. 

Connie broke at the sight of him, finding her own eyes now streaming with tears. Although she wasn’t quite sobbing as audibly as Steven, her eyes were a shade of red and her nose began to run. She sniffed as she shuffled closer towards him, she wanted to make sure that he knew she was there for him. 

Steven bawled his eyes out as his shaking hands found themselves digging into the bedsheets. Connie wanted to try and calm him down as much as possible, struggling to compose herself under the circumstances. 

She sat up beside him and opened her arms up, Steven didn’t even bother attempting to sit up slightly more to match her position. Instead, he found himself lazily resting himself on Connie’s stomach, throwing his hand over her and holding on as tightly as possible. He never wanted to lose Connie. She couldn’t leave him. He was so scared. 

Connie held onto him as he cried deeply, his tears creating a sudden wet patch on her shirt. He was incredibly warm, snotty and was practically shaking like a leaf. She had seen him in plenty of states before, but nothing quite like this.

The saviour of the universe was suddenly so vulnerable and broken. His kindness was once feared by all of Gemkind and yet there he was holding Connie tightly as a blubbering mess. He was a shell of who he once was. 

Connie found herself resting her head on the top of his hair, they had never been so close before and yet at that moment, nothing mattered other than comforting Steven however she needed to. Her heart was broken for the young man and she wanted nothing more than to see him smile again. 

His hair smelt somewhat salty. It was either sweat or where he had spent his entire afternoon as a monster terrorizing the town and violently getting his anger out whilst stood in the ocean. He needed a shower - but Connie didn’t mind. Even if she had to be the one to help wash his hair, she would have done anything to look after him. 

They were a team no matter what. 

Connie once again ran her hand over his hair to comfort him. It seemed to work last time, so doing it once more wouldn’t have harmed anyone. Besides, Steven loved the comforting feeling of her hand stroking his hair. The feeling was so cathartic and relaxing, Steven could have spent eternity in her grip with her hands making their way through his hair. 

“I wish there was something I could do to make this all go away.” Connie whispered, surprisingly able to get a full sentence out as she fought her own tears. 

Steven mumbled into Connie’s shirt, his words were inaudible but Connie knew that they were probably along the lines of agreement with her statement. Steven certainly didn’t want this to be happening to him. There were so many bad things that he had done throughout his life and everything recently had come crashing down on him more than ever. 

Within Steven’s mind, he was panicking about the fact that Connie was still happy with giving him a cuddle despite it not being so long ago since he had stupidly proposed to her as if that was ever going to be a good idea. It hadn’t been long since he had freaked out at the hospital and caused a scene that doctors would have spoken about for months. It hadn’t even been long since he had...shattered Jasper. 

He truly was a monster. 

Despite everything, Connie still held him tightly. Steven didn’t deserve to have someone like Connie in his life. Being as self-destructive as he was, with Connie in his life there was a possibility he would have ruined everything for her. He was an embarrassment and he knew it. 

No matter how many mistakes he made or how many traumatic events that they went through...Connie was always still by his side. He had treated her so poorly and she still managed to be the first person to say something remotely useful when he had been in the worst emotional state he had ever seen before. 

Connie had saved him from himself. 

Steven felt so deflated, listening to Connie’s sobs as he himself couldn’t control his own tears. He hated hearing her cry. The sound went through him like a knife. It was horrible. He did this to her. He had caused her to feel this amount of pain. He had made her cry. 

“I don’t like it when you cry...” Steven mumbled, this time audible as he opened his eyes and stared down by her legs, unable to see her expression behind him. As much as he wanted to turn around and see her face he didn’t think he could have handled the sad expression sat upon it. 

Connie also couldn't see his face in its entirety, but she continued to stoke back his hair as he spoke. 

“I don’t like it when you cry, either.” Connie sniffed, attempting to get all of her emotions out of her system. She had to be strong for Steven. 

Steven tightly shut his eyes, gripping a little tighter on Connie’s torso. He really didn’t want to let her go. He was going to stay there forever - right at that moment. 

It must have been past midnight, but Steven didn’t think he would have been able to sleep any more than he already had done. Connie knew that she would have had to soothe him to the point in which he felt comfortable going back to sleep. She was more than happy to stay beside him the whole night. Connie was aware that he often had night terrors, most of which were a little more intense than most. She wanted to be there for him if he did wake up in a cold sweat unable to understand where he may have been. He needed her there now more than ever. 

“I’m so lucky to have you.” Steven murmured softly, his utterance barely audible. Connie just about heard his breath, the words speaking to her more than anything else he had said throughout the night. 

“No you’re not. I’m lucky to have you.” Connie gently planted a small kiss on the top of his hair, barely even noticeable to Steven. 

He did notice. He noticed more than anything as he sniffed. It wasn’t as Connie hadn’t kissed him before. This time was a little bit different. It was so soft and light that if Steven hadn’t been so hypersensitive in the moment then he may not have even noticed. The gesture meant a lot to Steven.

She really cared about him and wanted nothing more than for him to feel better after being forced into such an ugly existence. None of this was his fault, just circumstances that he had been put into without a consultation. It wasn’t possible and yet his entire life had been destined to be...this. It all boiled down to this. 

Connie noticed that he hadn’t responded to her comment as they sat in silence. She pondered on whether or not the reasoning was behind her small kiss. She hoped that hadn’t spooked him at all, that was the last thing she wanted to do. Connie decided to break the silence. 

“I’m so lucky to have you in my life.” Connie repeated, making sure that he heard her. 

Of course he had heard her the first time, but he was attempting to process the words. With the repetition all he could muster up was a quiet but simple word to escape from his lips. 

“Why?”

“You’re such a wonderful person, Steven. You’re so full of life, love and adventure. You see the good in everyone and everything despite their intentions. You’re so caring - caring enough to put others in front of your own wellbeing.” Connie choked slightly on her last words. She didn’t want to upset him further, but wanted him to know how much he meant to everyone. How much he meant to her. “You mean the world to me, Steven. I really am lucky to have you.” 

Steven readjusted himself by rubbing his cheek against Connie’s stomach, he was sure that if he were to move his head slightly higher he would have been able to hear her heartbeat. He knew it would have been calm and steady to match Connie’s constant frame of mind. In a way, he was jealous of her abilities to handle stressful situations. He wasn’t quite good at it himself. 

He felt so warm and loved within Connie’s grip, despite his insides telling him otherwise. Everyone around him had to tell him how much he meant to them and yet he found it hard to believe himself. Although, currently it felt as if he had been defeated by his own monster. He felt so exhausted by his own mind that he didn’t quite have the mental capacity to argue back with self-deprecation. 

“Oh…” Steven groaned, unable to do anything more with his body. 

“Things are going to get better. I promise.” Connie didn’t make promises she knew she couldn’t keep - but this was different. She knew that she would have made it her personal mission to make sure that Steven got the help that he needed to be back to where he needed to be. She wanted him to get better and that wouldn’t have happened without an obscene amount of effort from his entire family. That included her. 

Steven found it strange that Connie felt as if she could have promised something like that. It seemed as if it was something that was entirely out of her control and yet he vastly appreciated the effort that she was putting in to make him feel somewhat better. 

If anyone else had said such a thing he didn’t think that he would have believed a single word of what they were saying at the time and yet as it came out of Connie’s mouth he seemed to believe it all. He was going to get better and Connie was going to be there to help him. 

Except, she wasn’t. Connie was still planning on going to college no matter what Steven’s mental health looked like. He certainly didn’t want to stop her from doing what he loved.

“I don’t think I can be here anymore...” Steven croaked, he didn’t quite realise the words could have been spoken so naturally. It was something that had been pondering on his mind for a while, but never something that he wanted to think about as he was constantly thinking about how his decision may have had an effect on everyone else. 

Although, from the experience early on throughout the day it seemed as if everyone was looking out for Steven. They seemed to care about what he wanted just as much as he cared about what they wanted. Of course, it had taken Connie’s prompts for them to admit that they needed to pay more attention to what Steven needed - but at least the reality check was there. 

“What?” Connie wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that. Did he mean being in her arms or the house? She wasn’t sure which one it could have possibly been. 

“Beach City.” Steven furrowed his eyebrows as he spoke, his fingers curling at the words. Connie noticed Steven squeeze the fabric of her shirt with the hand that was wrapped around her. 

“Beach City?” Connie was confused. 

“Yeah...It’s h-hard being here.” Steven felt Connie’s hand slide across the top of his head, continuing to comfort him in the nicest way possible. 

“Oh.” Connie sighed, of course it was hard for Steven in Beach City. This was where everything that made Steven Universe belonged. 

It was hard for Steven to go anywhere in the area without walking into something or someone that would remind him of one of the many horrible events that he had been a part of as a child. He was struggling to be around the town and continue acting as if it was normal. 

He had just turned into a huge monster and terrorised the whole town. The people of Beach City were used to weird life-threatening things occurring in the town, but nothing like that had ever happened before. They were all so frightened and once they all found out that it was Steven - he couldn’t live with that hurt. He didn’t want to hurt or scare anyone. 

“I-I’m scared, Connie.” Steven bit his bottom lip, despite no longer sobbing uncontrollably, his eyes still continued to stream tears onto Connie’s shirt that was now completely soaked at the stomach from Steven’s constant tears. 

“I know.” 

“I wish I could come to college with you.” Steven sighed heavily. He wished he hadn’t spoken the words, suddenly feeling guilty after doing so. 

He had already mentioned going to college with Connie and that had ended in heartbreak. He felt terrible knowing that by saying his thoughts out loud once more he might have felt as if he was trying to guilt-trip Connie into trying to fall into his plan. After having opened his eyes, he knew that was something that he didn’t want for either of them. Living as Stevonnie at college wasn’t practical nor sensible. 

“You can always visit. I’m going to miss you.” Connie smiled as she once again placed her chin on the top of his hair, holding him close. 

“I’m really going to miss you.” Steven sniffed, realising that Connie wouldn’t have just been going away for a while. It was going to be a long time and it was going to be tough. 

Sure, he had a car - but he had seen how far away somewhere like Jayhawk was from Beach City. Of course, he could drive there constantly, but he wasn’t quite sure how sustainable that was as a plan. He worried about a lot of things when the idea of Connie going to college entered his mind. It ranged from her not even having enough time to catch up with him during her study breaks and his biggest fear being losing his best friend in her entirety. 

Connie could have easily outgrown Steven and that’s what terrified him the most. It had always scared him - even as a young teenager. 

“Well, if you come and visit me you’ll be really good at road-tripping - it’s quite the drive! You’ll be a seasoned traveller by the time I finish college.” Connie attempted to make light of the situation, but the words sat deeper within Steven’s mind than maybe they were supposed to. 

“Is it really that far?”

“It’s pretty far.” 

“Oh, that really sucks.”

“Yeah...” Connie sighed, noticing the change in his tone. He sounded so out of sorts. 

“What if I visited you at college - but I didn’t come back to Beach City?” Steven suddenly thought of a scenario. 

“Oh Steven, you can’t-”

“No, I mean...what if I kept going? What if I just...kept driving?” Steven suddenly sat up, coming to a realisation within his mind. 

Connie let go of her grip as Steven finally turned around to look at her, the complete wet patch of tears he had left on her shirt suddenly became cold without him being there. Steven suddenly changed his position on the bed to cross his legs and sit beside Connie. Connie suddenly copied his actions, also sitting up and crossing her legs until they sat opposite one another. 

“Forever?” 

“I don’t know.” Steven shrugged, the only thing on his mind was wanting to get as far away from Beach City as possible. 

If he could have left Connie halfway across the country, surely he could have done the same with his family? It wasn’t as if they were going to leave forever, he would still keep in constant contact with them. It would be as if he never left - except he did. Except he could finally be free of the chains to the town that made him who he was. 

“You don’t have to decide just yet. It’s okay to take your time.” Connie assured, worried that Steven may have been jumping ahead before thinking about travelling across the country. At least that’s that it sounded as if he was suggesting. It wouldn’t have been good for his mental health to have gone so soon. He needed to wait. 

“I just...don’t want to be here anymore.”

“I know and you don’t have to be.”

“I can’t just...leave? Can I?” Steven’s expression dropped as he held himself uncomfortably. He didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. 

Connie held out both of her hands, Steven glanced down at them for a second before releasing the uncomfortable grip on himself and placing his hands on top of Connie’s. Connie held onto his hands as she looked up towards him. 

“I wouldn’t just...leave. If you really don’t want to be here though, I think it’s possible. B-but maybe you should take some time to think about it?” Connie used her logic to lower the situation. 

Steven moving away would have been a good thing, but it may not have been the best idea within that moment. Steven still had a lot of mental recoveries to take part in. It wouldn’t have been healthy for him to jump on the road without even considering what had just happened. That would have been the equivalent of running away from his problems and as much as Steven may have wanted that at the moment, the idea in the long run would have left a sour taste in his mouth. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” Steven glanced off to the side. Connie was always so smart and was good at keeping his ideas grounded. 

“But travelling sounds cool!” Connie suddenly perked up, noticing his expression becoming one of sadness one again. She squeezed his hands, causing him to look back up at her. 

Steven looked over at Connie, he knew he looked like an absolute mess. His nose was snotty, his eyes were red, his cheeks were wet and his hair was incredibly greasy and unkempt despite Connie brushing it with her fingers for the past fifteen minutes or more. 

Connie didn’t quite look much better, her hair was everywhere, her shirt was soaked in tears and yet...Steven still thought she was incredibly pretty. Connie managed to smile slightly, causing Steven to respond with what looked to also be a smile. It was hard to tell, considering it was something he had struggled to do all day. 

“Yeah...it does sound cool.” Steven confirmed. The idea of going away scared him - but also excited him greatly. 

What would have been better than being able to go and explore the country the way it was intended? He could have finally been able to get away from all of the things that haunted him. He could have done just about anything and everything he wanted without any rules given to him by his dad or the Gems. It would have been fantastic to be himself. It would have been fantastic to be...human. 

“You should try and visit every state - that really would be cool!” Connie suggested, the conversation clearly keeping his thoughts positive. 

“I don’t know much about any of that. I might need your help.” Steven suddenly blushed as he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. He placed his hand back in Connie’s as he glanced away for a moment. 

“Of course I’ll help you. The ultimate Universe roadtrip! One where you come back and visit me lots - right?” Connie encouraged him the best she could. 

“Right!” Steven nodded in confirmation. There was no way he wouldn’t have gone to see Connie. 

Connie stared back at him, the dark circles around his eyes indicating just how tired he was from the day that he had spent fighting himself. Just looking at him had made her yawn, it wasn’t as if she could have helped it. The day that she had experienced was quite like nothing before. Sure, gem battles usually ended in a well needed rest - but this day was just so incredibly emotionally taxing that she wasn’t quite sure how to react other than to want to pass out on a pillow. 

“We should probably get to bed. It’s getting pretty late.” Connie suggested as she tilted her head, she knew how exhausting Steven’s day had been. Even Connie had been knocked for six by the whole day. Everything was so tiring. 

Steven knew he was tired, but was worried that he wouldn’t have slept if Connie didn’t stay close to him. He still hadn’t been made aware of the sleeping bag at the end of his bed that his dad had laid out for Connie to stay in. That didn’t matter, even if he knew about it he would have preferred Connie to be beside him. It would have made him more comfortable. 

Steven wanted to question whether or not Connie wanted to change into her pyjamas - but he was too tired to bring himself to ask. Either way, that was her decision and it didn’t seem as if she minded going to bed in her shirt that had been drowned in Steven’s tears. 

“You’re staying here - right?” Steven was slightly panicked at the thought of Connie leaving him. He hoped that the Gems and his dad had approved of Connie staying, even if it meant sharing the same bed. 

“I’m not going anywhere. Unless you want me to, of course.” Connie confirmed, making sure that Steven had the option not to feel as if he was being smothered. 

“No! P-Please stay here.” Steven stuttered, furrowing his eyebrows in the process. He gripped slightly harder onto her hands as he spoke. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be here.” Connie smiled as she reached up to wipe away what looked to be one of his last stranded tears that were running down the side of his face. 

“Okay…” Steven whispered with a slight smirk. 

Connie let go of his hands as she watched him lay down on the pillow beside them both, he was turned away from her, but she knew exactly what he wanted. Connie flicked the switch of the lamp on the bedside table, the only thing that had been illuminating the room. 

In the darkness, she laid down beside him, before shuffling as close as she could to hug him. Steven grabbed a hold of her hand and gently pulled it around himself, hugging it tightly as she held him. 

Not a single word was spoken between them as Connie placed her head between his neck and the top of his back, holding him gently. Steven shut his eyes, plagued with bad thoughts and yet the person beside him was shielding them all. Connie was prepared to protect him from anything and everything. 

“Goodnight, Connie,” Steven whispered. Connie could feel his breath on her fingers as he spoke. 

“Goodnight, Steven.” Connie responded with a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know this is just fluffy drivel. I needed to get it out of my system - SORRY. 
> 
> Anyway, come shout at me on Tumblr and check out my other stupidly angsty/fluffy fics, whatever takes your fancy! 
> 
> Tumblr - @ConnverseTheUniverse


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